Forever in My Heart Read online

  “Who says I have to miss it? There’s nothing to say we can’t still have sex when he’s not living with me. Besides, we haven’t talked about what’s going on between us. He may be tired of me by then.”

  “Not going to happen. He loves you.”

  “He hasn’t said that.”

  Except he almost had.

  “Maybe not, but you can see it every time he looks at you.”

  She knew Lucy was right. Vicky had felt the shift in their relationship at the café reopening—even before. She’d stopped him from telling her he loved her. Given what happened with Kate, it was better that she had. If loving him could cause this much pain within her family, maybe they were doomed from the start.

  “It doesn’t matter because I’m not sure things can last between us long-term.”

  “Because of Kate?”

  “That’s part of it, but there are unresolved issues I have from my divorce. Trusting the opposite sex has been a touchy point since my breakup with Mike.”

  “Right, but it’s not like you just met Jamie. You’ve known him your entire life. That has to make it a little different than trusting some random stranger.”

  Vicky hated that Lucy had a point.

  “I don’t know, and I can’t think about this now. There’s too much going on and too much to do. Right now, things are fine, and I’m not going to bark up a tree I don’t want to climb.”

  “Okay, but don’t blow him off without seriously considering your feelings, and you better not let Kate’s opinion weigh in on how you feel about him because she has no right to dictate your happiness.”

  As far as Vicky was concerned, she’d avoid all discussion of her relationship with Jamie for as long as she could.

  Lucy pulled the notepad over. “On to our planning. Do you have any other ideas for the competition?”

  “I say we pick from the list we’ve started so we can have the guys start working on the display,” Vicky said.

  “I agree. Then we can start experimenting with cupcake flavor and icings.”

  With the theme A Taste of Philly, there were so many directions they could go. Finally, they agreed on a sports theme.

  “I suck at drawing. I wish I could ask Edward for help, but I don’t want to bother him. He has enough on his hands,” Vicky said.

  “You’re doing okay. Tristan will fix it up when he gets here. Have you spoken to Edward lately?”

  “Right before Memorial Day weekend. They were headed to Meghan and Charles’s beach house on LBI.”

  Lucy sighed. “I miss the beach. The four of us should take a weekend after this is over and rent a house in Wildwood.”

  “Who would run things here?”

  “We could ask your mom and maybe even Jamie’s mom. Or we just close for a few days. We’re entitled to time off. We’ve been working our asses off all year without any down time. The same with the guys. We all need some R&R. Besides, wouldn’t you love to see that handsome man of yours wearing a bathing suit?”

  Jamie in jeans and a T-shirt was sexy. Vicky imagined him clad in hip-hugging board shorts would be downright lethal. And in combination with Tristan, the two men would raise the heat level at the Jersey Shore.

  “I see him in less every day, so who cares about a bathing suit? But you have a point. We should plan something. Maybe in August when a lot of people are on vacation.”

  “I’ll start working on it. Back to your sister, how is she doing?”

  “Edward says she’s fine. They’ve been monitoring her blood pressure, and he’s forcing her to only work half days, which I’m sure is pissing off Kate.”

  “Any sign of her getting over what happened here a couple weeks ago?”

  Vicky held onto the hope she and Kate would get through this. She’d never gone this long without talking to her, even in the early days after Tony had died and Kate moved to New York. Bickering aside, she missed her.

  “Edward convinced her to talk to a grief counselor, which she agreed to for the sake of the baby. I asked if I could see her, but Edward said I should wait.”

  Patience wasn’t one of Vicky’s virtues, a trait she ironically shared with her sister. A part of her wanted to drive to New York and force Kate to talk. She would have, too, if it weren’t for the baby. Vicky wouldn’t do anything to risk the health of Kate or the child she carried. If that meant she had to keep her distance, she wouldn’t like it, but she’d do it.

  “I guess she’s not going to help us out in this competition, then?”

  “I wouldn’t count on it. We’ll be better off asking Jenna or Maggie to help us.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  There were still a couple weeks until the competition. With any luck, Kate would get over her issues with the DiSilva family, at least enough to be civil in public. And if she didn’t? Vicky didn’t want to think about what that would mean to her family or their relationship.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Jamie’s arms ached from five days of swinging a hammer. Now, the last of the game booths had been built, and all that remained was for the volunteers to set everything up. The amusement park workers arrived the night before and assembled the rides and games the church was renting. The food tent was pitched, and the picnic tables and chairs were ready.

  It was after eleven at night, and all Jamie wanted to do was head to Vicky’s, shower, grab a beer, and sleep for the next six hours. He didn’t even think he’d be able to stay up for sex, which went to show the extent of his exhaustion.

  “Hey, man, you almost done here?” Tristan asked.

  “Yeah. Once I put this stuff away, I’m good to go.”

  Tristan helped and they were in the van within fifteen minutes. Tristan was quiet, and Jamie sensed there was something he wanted to get off his chest. After living like brothers for the past six years, he knew Tristan almost as well as he knew himself. Given that, he also knew his buddy would tell him what was on his mind when he was ready to, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t give a nudge.

  “Everything all right?” Jamie asked.

  “Better than all right.” Tristan paused and Jamie waited for him to elaborate. “I told you I asked Lucy to move in with me.”

  “Yeah, you mentioned it. Did she agree?”

  “She did, but her mom gave her a hard time about living together before she was married. Got me to thinking…”

  “I knew you were serious about her, but marriage…wow.”

  “I’m totally crazy about her. After you see what we’ve seen, it doesn’t make sense to waste time. She’s the one, man.”

  “You’re ready to buy a ring?”

  “I put a deposit down on one today.”

  Holy fuck. His best friend was getting married.

  “Congratulations. I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks. I know it’s premature, but you’ll be my best man, right?”

  “I sure as hell better be, or I’d have to kick your ass.”

  “Am I going to be leaving you in a lurch if I bail out of our apartment?”

  An apartment Jamie didn’t even stay at.

  “Why doesn’t Lucy move into our place and once this whole Jimmy business is resolved we can reassess the living arrangements?”

  “Are you thinking of moving back once the drive is found and the risk to Vicky is gone?”

  “Honestly, I’m not sure. I guess it depends on Vicky.”

  “I thought you two were tight.”

  “Things have been a little strange since the whole blow-up with Kate at the reopening. Vick’s been quieter than usual. I think she misses her sister.”

  “It’s not as if they were close, though.”

  “Must be a weird sister thing. I feel like it’s created a certain amount of tension between us.”

  “Or maybe nothing is wrong, and you’re just feeling guilty.”

  Or that.

  Jamie shrugged. “Could be. How do you tell someone thanks for choosing me over your sister? They don’t make a Hall
mark card for that.”

  “I can ask Lucy if you want.”

  “No sense in you getting put in the dog house. All the extra stress with the carnival and planning for this cupcake competition isn’t helping, either. I’m sure things will be better once this week is over.”

  “Amen to that. I could sleep for thirty-six hours straight,” Tristan said.

  “Plus this thing with Jimmy. I’m drawing blanks at where Sal could have hidden this drive or what the hell could be on it. The only thing I know is it’s something of value because his clown friends think they can get a lot of money for it.”

  “Which will keep them desperate and you needing to stay on your toes.”

  Once the carnival was over, Jamie was going to go through his brother’s room at his parents’ house in more detail. He’d searched there for the drive after his first encounter with Jimmy, but he hadn’t read through any documents other than a cursory glance. There weren’t any small scraps of paper with any names or numbers on them. If he could dedicate some time, maybe he could piece together the mystery and he and Vicky could move on with their life. He just hoped when that time came, she’d want to move on with him.

  ****

  From when she was a young girl, Vicky had loved amusement park rides. It didn’t matter how fast it spun or how steep the drop, Vicky was the first of her family in line. Being the youngest, she’d been paired up with Vinnie. Thankfully he was as much a daredevil as she, and they both fought their way through the crowd to sit in the first seat of the roller coaster.

  Second to the rides, had been the food. Nothing beat a double dip of chocolate chocolate-chip ice cream from the old-fashioned ice cream parlor her family used to frequent at the shore. It was ten blocks from their house but worth every step and calorie. On nights they walked to the boardwalk, they’d get pizza and funnel cake.

  The smell of funnel cake hit her now as she walked out of the orphanage carrying two cakes. She maneuvered her way through the volunteers to place the plates in the booth along with other baked goods donated by parishioners to be the winning prize. Her chocolate chip pound cake and her mother’s sticky bun cake were among the fine selection of sweets.

  Having restocked, Vicky was heading to the funnel cake booth where she was working with her mom and Lucy, when Jamie grabbed her around the waist.

  “There you are. I’ve been looking for you,” he said.

  “I haven’t been in one place longer than ten minutes.”

  “It’s lucky I found you, then.”

  “Why?”

  “I have an important task for you,” he said, pulling her over to the rides.

  She laughed. “Hey, I’m supposed to be helping Lucy and my mom.”

  “I told them we’re taking a short break.”

  He pulled her through the crowd of people. There were groups of parents with small children in strollers lined up at the kiddie rides. Teenagers huddled by the bigger rides mostly just standing around or texting.

  Jamie headed toward the back, and Vicky realized where he was taking her. The Ferris wheel. Next to extreme roller coasters, the Ferris wheel was her favorite ride. She especially liked ridiculously high ones because it seemed as though she could touch the clouds. This one wasn’t large given it was for a traveling carnival, but Vicky didn’t care.

  “I can’t believe you remembered,” she said.

  “I remember everything about our time together.”

  The intensity of the way he said that had her heart pumping faster.

  He handed over tickets and helped her into a car. Rather than sitting across from her, he sat next to her. Once they started moving up, he rested his arm across her shoulders.

  “Oh, I get it now. You wanted me on here so you could make out with me,” she teased.

  “Guilty as charged.”

  He kissed her before she could respond. With the light breeze blowing through her hair and his soft mouth on hers, Vicky didn’t think things could get much better. High up in the sky, away from everyone, she could easily forget all her problems and focus on the sexy man who had her all revved up at a church event, nonetheless.

  Breathless, they broke away, and she rested her head on his shoulder. “This is nice.”

  He clasped her hand and rubbed a thumb along the outside. “It is.”

  A few minutes passed before he spoke again. “Did Lucy tell you she agreed to move in with Tristan?”

  “She mentioned it.”

  “Rather than have them find a new place, I suggested she move into the apartment Trist and I are renting.”

  “What about after we find the drive?”

  “I hoped we could keep things the way they are.”

  “You mean with you staying at my place.”

  “I thought we could make it permanent.”

  Exactly the conversation she didn’t want to have right now.

  She sat up straighter and removed her hand from his clasp. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  He stiffened beside her. “Why not?”

  “I’m not sure I’m ready. Plus, there’re so many obstacles between our families. I think we need to give them more time to adjust.”

  “They’ll adjust quicker if we’re really living together, and they see this isn’t some fling just because I’m protecting you. And things are better. Our moms are partnered up for the cupcake challenge. That alone is pretty amazing.”

  “There’s still the issue with Kate. I think we need to brace ourselves for the possibility she’ll never adjust,” she said.

  “And where does that leave us, then?” He held a finger up to her lips to stop her from answering. “I love you, Vick.”

  Her breath caught and her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Jamie. I don’t know what to say.”

  “You could say it back.” Behind the love reflected in his eyes lay the flicker of uncertainty.

  “It’s complicated. There are too many factors to think about.”

  “The only one that matters is how we feel for each other.”

  “I can’t tell you what you want to hear.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Does it matter if the end result is the same?”

  The ride stopped and they had to exit. Back on the ground, he turned her to face him.

  “I know you’re scared. I am, too. This is a big deal. I’ve loved you since I was eighteen years old, and I want to tell the world.”

  “Please don’t do this. Not here, not now.”

  “Then when?”

  She shook her head and stepped away. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. I’m sorry.” And with that, she vanished into the crowd.

  ****

  Vicky tripped over one of the many ride cables as she tried to put distance between her and Jamie. What was wrong with her? How could she have pushed him away so callously? The realization of what she did hit her, and she stopped and clutched her stomach. She needed a quiet place to think and pull herself together.

  The orphanage.

  She ran toward the side entrance to the old manor and slipped in the door that led to the kitchen where volunteers scrambled to prepare food. Vicky slipped through the chaos and into the main area. She strode through the house and into the library where she fell onto the couch and covered her face with her hands.

  “Vicky, are you all right?”

  Her head snapped up and she stared into the kind eyes of the head of the orphanage. “Father Dominic. Hi.” She wiped at the tears that streaked her face. “Yes, I’m fine.”

  “Forgive me, dear, but you don’t seem fine,” Father Dominic said.

  Who was she kidding? She was a wreck. “I had a disagreement with someone and needed some place quiet.”

  He was a tall, thin man with dark hair and glasses. He reminded Vicky of a taller and older Harry Potter, minus the lightning bolt scar.

  “Would you like to talk?” He sat next to her on the couch.

  She wasn’t sure it would make a difference,
but maybe getting the opinion from an impartial party would help. Of course, asking advice about her love life from a priest was way over the top on her weirdness scale.

  “I’ve been seeing someone who my family doesn’t approve of.”

  “Ah yes, the youngest DiSilva boy. Jamie.”

  “You know the history between my family and his two older brothers, don’t you?”

  “I’m aware of the circumstances.”

  “There’s no love lost between our families. Jamie and I got involved, and now it’s caused a rift among my family. Well, some of my family. You see Kate lost a lot because of Mario and almost lost Lucas because of Sal.”

  “I remember. Therefore Kate doesn’t want you spending your time with Jamie.”

  “Exactly. We had a huge fight a couple weeks ago and haven’t spoken since. Our rift has caused a lot of discomfort in the family.”

  “Kate seems like a reasonable person. Maybe she just needs some time. It hasn’t been that long since Sal threatened her.”

  “I don’t know how to fix things between us.”

  “Hence your fight with Jamie right before you came in here.”

  Vicky nodded. “He wants to move our relationship forward, and I told him I can’t.”

  “Because you don’t want to, or because of your sister?”

  “Both.”

  “Why are you uncertain?”

  “Well, there’s my divorce—or I should say annulment. I’ve been confused for so long. I always seem to make wrong decisions. I made one once when I married Mike. I don’t want to make another one by moving too quickly with Jamie.”

  “There’s a difference between moving quickly and backing away.” Father Dominic was silent a few moments. “Does he love you?”

  “Yes.” Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.

  “And do you feel the same?”

  She wanted him with every fiber of her being. Did that equate to love? It was time to stop fooling herself. “Yes, I do.”

  “Then it doesn’t sound like you have a problem—at least with Jamie.”

  “What about Kate?

  “Have you told her about your feelings for Jamie?”

  When would she have done that having only realized a little while ago the extent of her feelings for him?