Forever in My Heart Read online

  “Watching men you cared about get hurt must have been difficult. I’ve heard you mumble in your sleep. You still dream about it.”

  And here he thought he’d woken up before the worst of it got to him. He turned away, embarrassed by the demons that haunted him.

  She cupped his chin until he had no choice other than to turn and meet her gaze. “You don’t need to hide it from me. Tell me. I want to know.”

  Could she understand what still ate at him? If he had any hope of a future with her, he needed to put his baggage out there.

  “I dream I’m back there, fighting. I see friends get hit and more of my men try and rescue those who are injured. I know it’s a dream, but it feels real.” At times, unbearably real.

  She’d curled up across him, her arms around his waist. “How often do you have the nightmares?”

  “Depends. Maybe once a week. Sometimes less frequently. It’s gotten better since I’ve been home. The doctors tell me it will take time, but the dreams might never go away.”

  “Do you see someone?”

  “Tristan and I found a support group we go to once a week.”

  “Tristan, too?”

  “All of us have some level of issues we’re dealing with.”

  “Do you regret enlisting?”

  He’d often wondered that, himself. Why hadn’t he gone to college like his parents wanted him to? Regardless of how it went down, he always came back to the same basic thing; he needed to escape his family.

  With Sal in and out of jail, his mother was a nervous wreck. Back then, Mario had seemed stable, but Sal could easily influence his middle brother. Jamie didn’t want any part of that.

  “I regret being rash about my decision. I didn’t talk to my parents or the guidance counselor at school. I just decided and enlisted. I needed to get away from my family.”

  “College would have given you that.”

  “My parents wanted me to go to a local college, and I didn’t particularly care when I was filling out applications. Hell, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.”

  “Me either. I floundered at school, dropping more classes than I took.”

  “Did you finish?”

  She shook her head. “I finally got back on track last year. I have two semesters left but stopped when I started D&D. Now, finding time will be a challenge.”

  “You could take classes at night or online and finish up slowly.”

  “I’ve considered that. Maybe I will in September. How about you?”

  “A college degree isn’t for me. I may look into taking a couple business courses, though.”

  He laced his fingers through hers. “Tell me about your marriage.”

  She stiffened slightly before relaxing. “Michael Russo. There’s not much to tell. We met senior year of high school. He helped me through a rough time.”

  “You mean after I left?”

  “Yeah. We married the year after he graduated college. A year later, I found him in bed with his best friend, Rick. We’ve been divorced for two years.”

  “That must have been difficult.”

  “It was. My family helped me through it. We keep in touch. He moved to Boston with Rick. They’re married now and are trying to adopt an infant.”

  “Sounds like there are a lot of things we wish we’d done differently.”

  “Maybe, but then we would be very different people from who we are now.” She snuggled into his shoulder. “I wish you had talked to me before enlisting. The day you told me was one of the worst days of my life.”

  “I wish I had, too.” He stroked her cheek. “I was young and immature. Part of me knew you’d talk me out of it, so I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry for what I put you through.”

  “I’m here now. To talk to about anything.”

  With so much time wasted, he didn’t want to think about all his regrets. They were in the past. What mattered was now and that somehow they’d found their way back to each other. And now that he had, he wasn’t going to let her go.

  “That means a lot, baby. Really.”

  “Wake me the next time you have a dream. I may not understand what you went through, but I’m a good listener.”

  She pulled him cheek to cheek, and he felt safer than he had in years. The ever-present tightness in his chest loosened, and he allowed himself to accept her nurturing. “I’ll take you up on that.”

  His lips found hers, and he slid inside the warmth of her mouth. In her arms, he forgot the war, their families, and everything but each other. He poured everything he had into showing her how much he cared and cherished her. And for the moment, the world was perfect.

  ****

  After making love again they fell asleep, sated but exhausted. When they awoke hours later, he convinced her to go to mid-morning mass at St. Christopher’s, which they did after a long and steamy shower together.

  They arrived a few minutes late and sat in the rear of the church. The inside had been updated since he’d been there as a child. Even with the marble floor and padded pews, the old-style architecture still reflected historic Philadelphia.

  He’d been baptized there and imagined, someday, he’d be married there. In the army, occasionally they’d be somewhere where he could go to mass, but it wasn’t often. Not that he didn’t pray. When you faced possible death on an almost daily basis you prayed—a lot.

  Now, standing beside Vicky, it seemed a little surreal to be safe and secure when so many men and women were out there risking their lives. He inhaled slowly through his nose and out through his mouth to ease the tightness in his chest.

  Vicky’s fingers interlaced with his, and he glanced over at her.

  “Are you all right?” she mouthed.

  He squeezed her hand and nodded. With her holding his hand, he stayed focused throughout the rest of the mass.

  Afterward, when everyone was piling out, someone shouted her name.

  “Aunt Vicky. Over here,” Lucas called.

  They maneuvered their way through the crowd until they reached Lucas, Edward, and her parents.

  “Hi, sweetie.” Vicky pulled Lucas in for a hug and kiss.

  “Hi,” he said with a shy glance at Jamie.

  “Hi, yourself, birthday boy. Great party yesterday.”

  “It was a blast,” Lucas replied with more enthusiasm.

  Carmen stepped over to hug and kiss Vicky. “I’m surprised to see you here. You usually come to evening mass.”

  “I had the morning off and decided to come now,” Vicky replied in a somewhat stilted voice.

  Jamie put his hand at the small of her back, where no one could see, and rubbed it reassuringly.

  “My dad promised to help me put some of my toys together today. You wanna help?” Lucas asked him.

  Vicky stiffened beside him.

  “Jamie, why don’t you join us for Sunday dinner?” Carmen suggested. “We gather at one and eat around two.”

  Jamie was touched by the olive branch she offered.

  “Thanks, Mrs. DiFrancesco. I appreciate the offer.” He met Edward’s eyes. “What do you think? My presence won’t be welcomed by everyone.”

  “My darling wife will have to get used to seeing you, right? So why not today?” Edward replied.

  Jamie glanced down at Vicky, who nodded in agreement.

  “It’s settled then,” Carmen said.

  “Where is Kate?” Vicky asked.

  “She’s in the loo. She’ll be right back,” Edward said.

  “Everything all right?” Vicky asked with concern.

  “She’s still nauseated in the morning. Nothing unusual in her condition,” Edward replied.

  “My mom has a baby in her stomach,” Lucas explained to Jamie.

  “So I hear. That’s wonderful news. You’ll be a big brother,” Jamie said.

  “You should see the list of names he’s started. If it’s a boy his name will be either Han or Anakin, and if it’s a girl, Padmé,” Edward said with a smile.

&nb
sp; “I’d expect no less from an avid Star Wars fan,” Jamie replied.

  “You wanna come get donuts with us from downstairs? They’re the best next to Aunt Vicky’s,” Lucas rambled.

  “You go with them,” Jamie said to Vicky. “I’d like to walk around the grounds.”

  They wandered off, and Jamie strolled outside into the warm sunshine. He followed a path along the side of the church where there was a white arbor with flowers woven throughout. Beyond it was a statue of the Blessed Mother. Off to the side was a solitary bench where a woman sat with her back to him.

  When she rose and turned, he saw it was Kate. One look at him had her taking a few steps back. “What are you doing here?” she demanded, wrapping her arms protectively around her stomach.

  “I’m checking out the grounds. There’ve been a lot of changes since I left.” He moved closer so he didn’t have to yell across the courtyard.

  Right as he was getting ready to ask if they could make a fresh start—for Vicky’s sake—she took another step back and reached for her cell phone.

  “Stop, or I’ll call the police.”

  Why was she afraid of him? If anything, Kate would have kneed him between the legs.

  Her face was pale, and Jamie thought she may need medical attention.

  “Kate, I’m not going to hurt you. Are you sick? Can I get you some water?”

  “Get away from me!” she yelled.

  “What’s the matter?” Vicky called, running up to Kate.

  Great. Now Vicky was going to think he did something to her sister.

  “I’m not sure. I came out here, and she started shouting at me. I think something’s wrong. Kate, when was the last time you ate?” Jamie asked.

  “A few hours ago.”

  “I think she may be having a drop in blood sugar. Is there any orange juice where they have the donuts?” Jamie asked Vicky.

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll get it and bring Edward.”

  “Thanks,” Vicky mouthed.

  He returned several minutes later with two cups of orange juice, Edward, Lucas, and Vicky’s parents. Edward rushed over and handed Kate a cup.

  “Take small sips, luv,” he murmured.

  “I’m fine,” she assured her husband.

  “Is my mom okay?” Lucas asked Jamie.

  “Sometimes when a woman is pregnant, she gets dizzy if she doesn’t eat often. I think that may be what happened to your mom,” Jamie explained.

  “Are you a doctor?”

  “I had some medical training when I was in the army.”

  Vicky came over as now her mother was also hovering over Kate.

  “How is she?” Jamie asked.

  “She seems better. Thanks for getting the juice,” Vicky said.

  After a few more minutes, Edward helped Kate stand and led her toward the parking lot. Edward stopped as he passed him. “Thanks, mate. The orange juice worked.”

  “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Kate,” Jamie said.

  Edward nudged her arm before she met Jamie’s eyes. “Thanks.”

  It wasn’t much, but it was more consideration than she’d given him since returning home.

  “No problem.”

  “See you at the house,” Edward said and whisked Kate and Lucas away.

  “What happened between you and my sister?” Vicky asked.

  “I came out to look at the new garden, and she was here. She freaked when she saw me and started yelling for me to leave her alone. Vick, I wasn’t close to her, and I wasn’t doing anything to warrant her freaking out.”

  “That’s odd,” she said.

  He held his hands up. “I swear—”

  “I believe you,” Vicky replied. “Later, I’ll try and find out what was behind Kate’s outburst.” She reached for his hand. “Come, I want to check on the café before heading to my parents’ place for dinner.”

  Thankfully, she believed him. Now if he could only figure out what caused Kate to freak in the first place.

  ****

  Jamie held her hand as they walked the eight blocks to Vicky’s parents’ house. It had been years since she’d held hands with anyone, and she felt self-conscious, as though everyone they walked past stared at them. Her imagination, of course.

  “I don’t know if me coming to dinner today is a good idea,” Jamie said.

  “Because of what happened earlier? My sister is going to have to get used to being around you at some point.”

  “Maybe I should give her space today. She looked horrible at the church. Maybe something is wrong.”

  “When she was pregnant before—with Tony—she got lightheaded if she didn’t eat often enough. It’s not a big deal if she carries a snack with her.”

  “It was her reaction at seeing me that was off. It was like she thought I was going to cut her unborn child out of her.”

  Given her condition, Vicky was certain Kate was being paranoid, and seeing Jamie caused her to think about the child she’d lost when Jamie’s brother, Mario, hit them in a car crash. While Kate had suffered serious but not life-threatening injuries, Mario plus their two-year-old son and the child she’d been carrying died. It had taken Kate years to forgive herself for events out of her control. It wasn’t until the end of last year, when she’d met Edward, that she’d finally allowed herself to find love again.

  “I think the stress of the pregnancy is getting to her,” Vicky said.

  Jamie gave her a sideways glance, as though he didn’t believe her, but didn’t press her—thankfully.

  When they reached the brick-faced brownstone, the scent of garlic embraced them as they walked up the stairs.

  “Your mom’s lasagna?”

  “Could be. She still does some variation of pasta every Sunday. There’s a chance she’s making lasagna on account of Kate, Edward, and Lucas being over. It’s Edward’s favorite.”

  “Mine, too.”

  “I’m sure she’ll appreciate your compliments.”

  Vicky opened the front door, and they were enveloped by the warm scents permeating from the kitchen.

  It was quiet, which Vicky found odd. She led Jamie to the back of the house, where her mother was arranging prosciutto, mozzarella, and tomatoes on a platter.

  “Hi, Ma.” She kissed her mother’s cheek and gave her a hug.

  “Hi, Mrs. DiFrancesco. These are for you.” Jamie greeted the older woman and held out the bouquet of mixed flowers he’d bought at the florist shop down the street from the café.

  Vicky could tell by the tenseness of his jaw that Jamie was nervous about being there. They both thought it was going to take a while—if ever—for her family to accept he wasn’t like his brothers. The sooner they dealt with it, the sooner they could all move on.

  “I see you’re still the charmer, Jamie DiSilva.” Her mother took the flowers and lowered her head to sniff. “They’re beautiful. Thank you.”

  “I’ll put them in water for you.” Vicky opened a cabinet and pulled down a vase. “Where is everyone?”

  “Nick is working. Vinnie’s at the Phillies game. Your sister, Edward, and Lucas had to leave. Edward got a call that Meghan is in labor.”

  “For real this time?”

  Meghan had gone through two false alarms over the past two weeks.

  “Her water broke.”

  “We should expect to hear news soon, then.”

  “Kate promises to call as soon as Meghan delivers.”

  “Is Kate feeling better?” Jamie asked.

  “She ate a sandwich when she got back here and seemed to be fine.”

  Vicky was touched that he asked.

  Carmen grabbed the enormous platter and held it out to Jamie. “We’ll eat this in the family room so we can watch baseball. Can you carry this for me? Vicky, grab the plates and silverware.”

  Carmen picked up the vase with the flowers and led the way out.

  Thankfully, the Phillies game kept the need for conversation to a minimum. Later, Vicky helped her mother se
t out the food for dinner. As usual, her mother had prepared enough food for twenty people, which meant Vicky could count on leftovers.

  After saying grace, her mother started serving, giving an enormous portion of lasagna to both Jamie and her father.

  “How’s the new business doing?” her father asked Jamie.

  “It’s slow. I’m hoping doing work in the café will help attract new clients,” Jamie said.

  “Jamie’s replaced the entire floor with natural wood. Bye-bye black and white checkerboard,” Vicky added.

  “It took considerable effort to remove it. In some places, we had to replace the sub-flooring,” Jamie said.

  “I’m not surprised given there was twenty-five years of traffic and spills on that floor,” her father said.

  “Now we’re painting the walls,” Jamie said.

  “You should come by, Daddy, and see what they’ve done. Tristan, Jamie’s partner, can draw and is painting the side wall to look like the outside of houses. When you come in, it will seem as though you’re taking a stroll through an Italian village. We’re even going to hang flower boxes on the walls.”

  “It sounds great. I’ll be sure to come by this week.” Her father flashed one of his wonderful smiles—it seemed like forever since he’d given her one of those. “Your mom and I are real proud of what you’ve done with the café, honey.”

  “The customers at the trattoria rave about the selection of desserts. I always make sure they know my little girl made them,” her mother added.

  Vicky felt her cheeks get warm. She wasn’t used to getting praise from either of her parents. It was nice. “I’m doing something that’s important to me. Thanks for believing in me.”

  “Always,” her parents said together.

  After they finished eating, Vicky shushed her mother into the family room while she started cleaning the table.

  “I’ll help,” Jamie said.

  She didn’t say anything but raised an eyebrow at him.

  “Why are you so surprised? It’s not like I don’t know my way around a kitchen,” he said, following her while carrying an armful of plates. “Among other places,” he whispered in her ear.